It's a bit cheeky of me to offer advice to Lionel Messi and the rest of the Barca lads but now is not the time for false modesty.
Listen up, Leo - I know you're staring down the barrel of a 4-0 first-leg deficit against Bayern Munich and everyone's saying you've gone at the game. But I've been in worse situations than this and, believe me, it is possible to come back.
Think of those weekends when nothing goes right in your football betting. Saturday's nap is 3-0 down inside ten minutes, your first-goalscorer good thing misses a penalty at 0-0 and whatever you've done in the Liverpool game has gone wrong for the 27th straight weekend (can anybody accurately predict when the Reds are going to be good and when they're going to be rubbish? No, me neither).
Anyway, back to the matter in hand. When Sky insist on reminding you that it's a Super Sunday even though you're down to your last quid, it's time to look to the Camp Nou for inspiration. As long as Barcelona are playing on a Sunday evening, there's still a chance of salvation.
The Catalan giants are football's equivalent of the lucky last at the racecourse. Just get stuck into the correct scores and sit back and watch your fortunes turn around. Unfortunately for Barca, the correct scores that have obliged most frequently in their home league games this season are 3-1 and 5-1 - neither of which would be good enough to take them past Bayern tonight.
So much for my motivational skills - having looked at Bayern's amazing defensive record I'm backing the 1-1 draw. Stop crying, Lionel, I'm just telling it like it is.
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